The Phoenix
by Killer300
Summary: Prepare for another gender bender, but this one is very different from the crowd. Poetry, strange futures and lots of other stuff await. Please read and review.
1. To Be Reborn

To be Reborn

_I feel dead inside, they took the real me. _

_My sanity flees _

_While my parents weep and I steal _

_Their money and time. _

_I feel dead inside, and I no longer cry _

_For my tears shrank with my size _

_While those of my parents still fly _

_For what I do just to feel. _

_I feel dead inside, I feel violated _

_With my hopes being annihilated _

_From my voice rising _

_My parents sighing _

_And my sanity flying. _

_I feel dead inside, for I can't feel anymore _

_Now having locked myself in this room forevermore _

_Knowing I will find peace with myself nevermore _

_Inside this new body of mine. _

It is strange, being inside a body that is not mine. I am now female, despite being born male and am now insane, despite never having mental illness before. Everyone claims that anyway, no one believes I was once male, not even my family. So now, I walk to school, feeling just like whoever wrote this poem. I know I did, but for some reason I feel that when I write, I'm a separate person. I don't feel awkward when I write, so I think it is the old me writing. Now, I don't know who I am anymore. But, I go to school anyway, hoping things will get better overtime, despite knowing that is a lie.

I go to my class, and immediately hear Haruhi yelling. Man, I HATE that chick, she constantly bothers me. Why? I don't know, apparently she has a fascination with tomboys who claim they used to be male. Usually, I just try to ignore her, but today it is just getting far too annoying. This probably has something to do with her slamming my head into a desk and claiming I'm an alien because of, my strange behavior I think. It's hard to tell with Haruhi at times. But who knows, maybe she is trying to help me out under all that insanity. However, that is unlikely, considering she slams my head into desks among other things.

My name used to be Kyon, now everyone calls me Kyonko, even though the former is my real name. But then, no one believes me anymore, so I gave up long ago on getting people to say the proper name. While I tried to leave, Haruhi suddenly dragged me out into the hall. There, she said, "Kyonko, help me organize my club. I need you to find out all the rules while I get a clubroom and members. If you don't participate, I will rip your dress of in front of the student body for their viewing pleasure."

Okay, with Haruhi, that isn't an empty threat, she will rip off my dress for all to see. She'll probably rip off the rest of my clothes while she is at it too. There is no end to what Haruhi will go through to humiliate me. A week ago she tore my shirt off so everyone could see my bra and parts of my breasts. Yeah, she did this for the unforgivable crime of IGNORING HER! Seriously? So yeah, I don't want to picture what she will do if I don't find out the rules for the club.

The rules turned out to be, rather simple. You needed a clubroom, 5 students and a teacher to supervise. The last one doesn't seem to hold much weight judging by the anime club watching hentai anime and the literature club having the whole Yaoi manga scandal. The latter involved giving out Yaoi to fan girls in return for more members in the literature club. This isn't surprising considering the literature club is normally considered a rather boring club, so isn't exactly popular. Most people just treat it as a study hall to get homework done. So, when the scandal arose, the club fell apart. You see, the anime club doubles as the manga club now so have taken over Yaoi distribution. Why do we need a club for this? Well, it may be something to do with a campaign to crack down on pornography by the Mayer. Manga shops won't stock Yaoi for example and anime stores won't stock hentai. It will probably end soon, however for the time being we have to import stuff.

But anyway, the literature club will probably end up being where Haruhi will make her new club because they only have one member currently. That one member also probably comes with the room, considering all she ever seems to do is read these days. Seriously, I could probably strip or something and she wouldn't notice at all. Wish I could read whatever the hell she does, it must be more addictive than crack if she reads it that often. Now, hopefully I can leave school without being cornered by Haruhi, shouldn't be too hard. It isn't like she has the entire school under security surveillance by cameras she bought off of eBay.

As if to prove me wrong, Haruhi suddenly came out of nowhere and dragged me off to the clubroom. Along the way, she had me explain the rules. She said finding club members wouldn't be a problem. Okay, assuming Yuki comes with the room, you still two more. I'm assuming of course I'm a required recruit, which would make sense knowing Haruhi. I'm guessing she will just kidnap a couple of people, which would be typical Haruhi behavior, for the rest of the recruits. Well, I'm just hoping she gets expelled in the process because I'm frankly sick of dealing with her. I've got enough problems in my life; I don't need an ADHD chick who also needs some serious therapy regarding basic social behavior to make it worse.

Fortunately, after confirming the room was available and kind of recruiting Yuki, I could go home which I promptly did. At home, I did the usual stuff, which consists of writing depressing poetry and dressing in masculine clothes. The latter my parents don't approve of however they've learned not to question me on that. I've already done my homework in school, so after eating dinner, I go upstairs and start a very special process. This is the process of self-injury. The cutting and my writing are the only two escapes from all the crap going on in my life. Every time I cut myself, it feels as if a huge amount of stress leaks out of the cuts. The writing, on the other hand, slowly dissipates by comparison, so you can guess which one wins out. But, I still write because it may make money, judging by the amount of suicidal writers these days, and, more importantly, because it is much easier to hide than the cuts are. However, today calls for drastic measures, mainly because of Haruhi. So far, my cuts aren't that deep, but then I carve a somewhat deep one on my stomach. This gives me the release I need! It also gives me a crap ton of blood to hide however I'm not too worried about that. I've cleaned up a LOT more blood before regarding situations like this. After all, a girl has got to get by somehow right?

After completing the special ceremony and cleaning up the blood, I wrote some. Damn Haruhi, you really do increase the pressure inside of me. Even though I bled enough to probably put me in the average horror movie these days, I still needed more release. So, I decided to write about Yuki of all people. After all, she does make me curious and I won't about Haruhi until I have something positive to stick n because otherwise the entire poem would just be a massive rant, which is no fun.

_Yuki, what do you read? _

_What can feed _

_On your time like deeds _

_Give out money? _

_Yuki, why so calm? _

_Even when the palm _

_Of Haruhi covers my mouth _

_Like that kid south _

_Of here that touches _

_Little girls while he clutches _

_A knife? _

Yeah, it wasn't going too well so I went to bed. I hope that Haruhi is better tomorrow. However, that is unlikely, especially in a world where genders and memories change but she remains the same. Man my life sucks.


	2. Meeting the Future

Meeting the Future

The next day, the cut already lost feeling from the massive depression suddenly smashing into my brain. Damn you Haruhi, damn you to hell. Really, because I already feel myself tensing up for what is coming up. Also, that cut is going to be a bitch to explain later however that is different. Now, there is more to this with Haruhi than just the club, her stripping, and her talking. You see, she was one of the first to begin the assault that my peers continued against my sanity. Haruhi, the girl that should've known better being so, different herself, assaulted me with everyone else. Everyone claims I'm insane and that I need to get over it. It's strange, but the way she first assaulted me was relatively normal, she just said I was insane. But, she stepped up her assault; convinced I was more sinister because I kept on claiming it for so long. My peers though drove my sanity into the ground. Then, the incident came that separated me away from everyone. It was when I slapped Arakawa, hard. Okay, maybe it was a punch, I don't remember at this point. The reason why is she joined this club called, "Curing Kyonko," and basically started degrading my sanity with them. After that, any chance of socially integrating dissolved away. Not that it was there to begin with, but this was the final sign to all around me that I was just insane.

My parents had sent me to psychiatry, but that was going nowhere. However, she did assign me to write poetry, so I guess that helps. But, in reality all she does is make it worse. I still don't recognize myself as female, rather as a guy trapped in a girl's body. A, appealing looking girl too apparently. I have breasts many girls would kill for but I hate because they are so much of a reminder. I keep my hair short, so sometimes if I wear enough masculine clothing, I can almost pretend I'm a guy again. My breasts and other curves quickly destroy this illusion. Speaking of which, she still thinks I have something called body dysmorphic disorder. But, that is starting to crumble as it becomes more and more obvious that anti-depressants aren't doing shit paired with cognitive therepy that is getting nowhere.

Now, I should probably describe what I normally wear these days. Well, I mainly wear these trench coats that covers my upper body completely and drape over my legs. I even wear them in the heat when I go out because they hide my more, "feminine," figure from all the boys who love staring at it and probably fantasize about it all day. For shoes, just sneakers usually, and otherwise perhaps boots. I will NEVER wear heels; I don't care how formal the occasion is. I would take being locked in a room with a bunch of sex offenders before I wear heels. Perhaps this is all a pointless rebellion against wearing anything feminine but that is who I am. I don't care if people threaten to shoot me or if I was thrown out onto the streets to starve, I will never conform. Why? Well, that masculine feeling is all I have left of my past life; the one I know is real. I know it's real not only because I remember it, but also because one other person remembers it. Kyon does, for he isn't dead and gone, like so many believe he is. They claim he is my dead little brother, like in the former reality Kyonko was my living little sister. So, I hold onto my identity as Kyon, not as Kyonko, even if I pay for it.

I trudged to school after a breakfast of silence, in a land of depression mixed with anger in a rather potent mix if you want to crush someone's sanity. I also climbed a hill steep enough to wear on my body like a beating, and the time given I used to ponder. Ponder ways to skip out on Haruhi, and then maybe commit suicide. Something my psychiatrist has speculated, judging by notes I secretly read, that my hormones are acting in strange ways, causing me much more severe depression faster than normal. That, in combination with my "delusions" and psychological abuse from my peers has caused me to suffer clinical depression. My delusions she is still very unsure of, probably because anti-psychotic medicine does nothing to sway me. She doesn't think I have schizophrenia, although that might change if I become paranoid because it would allow for a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. No, she thinks the delusions are some weird form of PTSD brought on by the death of my little brother. That theory though even she admits has holes in later notes because while my brother did die a very brutal death, it doesn't explain why I got the mental illness at the time I did, which was in 8th grade. My little brother died in 6th grade from a car accident involving a semi crushing his body. The main hole she can't deny, despite what she tries, are very detailed memories of my previous life.

The problem with my psychiatrist is she won't admit I'm at least somewhat correct despite the massive evidence on my side. How many delusional people do you know that can intimately describe their former lives like their little sister, the clothes they used to wear, the friends they used to have, and the intimate details of your former male self? That last one she labels as dangerous sexual fantasies, which makes no sense to me because I described it in a very clinical way, and she labels the rest of my memories as more delusions. So, to get back at her, I either give her the silent treatment or describe dreams I have that confuse her a lot. The latter now come occasionally, but of course are blown out of proportion as a punishment to that bitch. She won't ever be able to build her theory, which if she proves it could make her very famous because I'm just that weird of a case possibly. I'm her job, so I don't blame her for that, but I still blame her for not believing me like everyone else. I know my claims seem rather ridiculous, but if anyone really listened, they would see I have a point. Why would I make up all of this? I have nothing to gain through it, except maybe some acceptance finally. But no, they have to slap me with psychology like an abuser beats his wife to shut me up. Well, I won't stop, I will keep on denying until I die. I don't care how often they beat me with psychology and I don't care if I disgrace my family, I will not stop denying. Even if I were to burn in hell for it, which I don't believe in, I will still keep on denying.

Anyway, I eventually got to school and right there waiting was the club that wants to "cure" me. Sure, I have shown that I'm very willing to punish with violence, but they still bother me. I have endured a year of this bullshit from them, and the year before that in 9th grade I had to deal with parents and a mental hospital for my suicide attempt. That was where I met the psychiatrist by the way. So no, I won't tolerate their bullshit, not when I already deal with enough at home and from the shrink. Instead, I had fought back with Arakawa when she wouldn't learn her lesson. Now, Arakawa currently leads the club because she spearheads the effort. I know why she does it, I'm her sacrificial lamb to assure popularity, but that doesn't mean I will just sit by while she does it. She knows the consequences if she pushes me too far, and so do her cronies that come from the same crowd as she does. They don't ever get physical; they just psychologically degrade me with the insults and rumors. It's effective too; you can only be apathetic so long when everyone hates you. They don't just ignore me; they openly hate me and every part of my being. I'm worse than Haruhi to them, because my insanity brings them all down while Haruhi's can be easily ignored. I'm that person that keeps trying to convince new kids I'm right while Haruhi just ignores people. If Haruhi is like a raving homeless person, than I'm the person who talks to your kids and convinces them to do drugs.

That is the crap I put up with every day, so there is a reason I'm as insane as I am. I actually do try to convince new kids occasionally to believe me, however I've given up that for the most part. However, the damage is already done to their community my peers figure, so I still need to be punished. Fortunately, after a tense moment where I stared down Arakawa, they let me go through without a fuss. Once I went into my first class, I went into the same state I'm usually in, deep in my mind. In my mind, I try to re-connect with my former self. I don't who I'm right now, but I ain't Kyonko, I know that. But I'm not really Kyon anymore; I'm too violent and social to be him. I'm far too emotional to be him, considering what he used to be like.

Kyon isn't what you would call a normal person really. He was extremely socially introverted, lacked confidence in himself and finally, wasn't very emotional compared to my current state. He had his own problems, he might have ended up as a hikikimori in the future, but he didn't do anything to deserve this. He died inside me when the stress became too much for him and no one believed him. I replaced him because I was stronger perhaps, or rather more stubborn. I didn't adapt though, unless you call becoming a violent chick who wears trench coats with masculine pants and still yells about how she used to be male. But, Kyon is dead, and I'm still trying to resurrect him in my head so I can learn what he thinks now. But he is still dead, and I mourn his death when I cry. Speaking of which, I remember very well the day he died. It was after that medical test that confirmed beyond reasonable doubt that I was completely female.

It was raining so heavily that day. When Kyon was told the results of the test, he ran as hard as he could towards a subway. The whole time while he ran, he cried because no one would believe him. He cried for the loss of his masculinity, he cried for the loss of everything he had known, and he cried because no one would believe him. He thought he had failed to accomplish anything, so went towards the subway seeking an escape from a world that doesn't believe him. When he got there, he stepped up towards the edge of where the subway train would roll through. When one started coming, he prepared to jump into it so he could peacefully die. This was exactly when a girl appeared suddenly, and she was so beautiful. She had massive breasts and otherwise was very moe like in appearance. She seemed unreal to me at first, but then she walked towards me.

When she got close to me she said, "Kyon, you don't have to die. It isn't impossible to adapt, it just takes time, something you don't give it. That isn't really the problem with you anyway, what you need is someone who will understand you are telling the truth, and I do. But you can't pointlessly rebel against it; you need to embrace your new body instead of denying it. Please Kyon, I need you later. Don't kill yourself."

She disappeared right then and there but I now hated her with all of my being in a way that not even Haruhi could top. What right does she have to tell me that I should just adapt? If she knows the truth, she would realize that it is impossible for me to adapt. She would realize that this isn't like going to a new school, which is something you can get over, but rather is a disease that needs to be cured like cancer. It was then that Kyon died, and I was born. My social fears evaporated, as I realized I would need to make people believe me. I felt a new strength possess me, one with a base in anger and shame. I was ashamed of my family for being duped so easily by psychologists, I was ashamed of Haruhi for not recognizing another fellow suffering from denial by peers and most of all, I was ashamed of myself for giving in so easily.

I left the subway and got onto a bridge nearby. There, I screamed with all the force in my lungs while staring up at the sky. I screamed curses at this new world and resolved to fight it. I promised Kyon that I would one day become male again, no matter the cost. Something or someone had victimized me, and that person would pay. I would become strong to fight that battle, both emotionally and physically. The sky thundered as if replying to my new promise to myself. It wasn't my new gender that I hated, it was that everyone denied the change and claiming it was mental illness. It was how society now treated me that I hated, not just the body I inhabited. The parts I hated about my body were the ones that confirmed a new place I was supposed to occupy in society according to other people.

When I went home, I immediately headed to my room, ignoring the chaos my sudden leaving had caused in the house. Upstairs, I got scissors and cut off a lot of hair to keep my hair from being feminine, and then went into the restroom to punch a mirror. I cut myself for the first time, and the pain felt liberating. I found out that physical pain could liberate me from the prison that this body put me in for a brief moment. When my parents came to intervene, I simply threw them off; possessed by strength I never knew I had. Eventually, they held me down, and the adrenaline rush ended, but I still was liberated from the confines of this world. For then on, I had new strength to meet everything with. The world in some ways responded with equal force, but I fought on. Maybe this battle is pointless, but I'll keep on fighting it, to my dying day if necessary.

Or, at least I started with that resolve. It is weakening now, with this continued assault from my peers and the continued ignorance by everyone else. Anger can only take you so far before you run out of fuel, which what was happening here. It was why my wish for death was returning; you can't fight a battle with no possibility of victory. I've met the future, if she something she said is to be trusted, and it sucks. After all, what's the point to trying to change something a god did from the looks of things?

Back to the current, it was now almost the end of the day. Lunch had passed pretty normally too, all things considered. It was in the SOS Brigade room, or as I like to call it Haruhi Assault #3,087, and she introduced a new member. When I saw her, it took all my control to avoid snapping her pretty little neck, much less confronting him in a more verbal way. It was the girl from the subway. Apparently, her name was Mikuru and I knew she was a massive liar about her supposed origin. Originally, I thought she was either a weird figment from my mind, or was from the future. The latter was apparently true, surprising somewhat, but considering everything else that has happened, not completely impossible clearly.

The rest of the time in the club went somewhat normally, considering it was ran by Haruhi. We watched an anime called, "Rahxephon," and it calmed me somewhat. The anime had a main character in a somewhat similar position, although the reality came from actually was fake. I knew the one I came from wasn't, there was too much there. I was taken out of it, so I could be shoved into a reality and body that isn't mine. Who and what did it I don't know, but I hate them for it. I will hate them until the day I die.

After the club, I went home. At home, I wrote more poetry and played with the cut from yesterday. The former I decided to write about Kyon, my old self. He deserved better, being killed by a world that never gave him a chance. Well, I keep telling myself that, but maybe I killed him. I did replace him, whoever I'm supposed to be.

_Kyon, where are you? _

_Did I kill you _

_When I arrived? _

_Did you dive _

_Into the hive _

_That is death? _

_Kyon, I'm sorry. _

_I probably make you worry _

_Because I'm losing the quarry _

_I draw strength from. _

_But don't worry about me. _

_I'm stronger than them you see. _

_They would crumble instantly _

_Under the pressure I endure consistently. _

_Kyon, don't give up, this struggle _

_Will end soon. Even if I have to juggle _

_The world I will get us through this. _

_So don't die on me, you see_

_I need you too. _

_I'm doing this for you Kyon because _

_I love you, so even if they cover me with gauze _

_I will continue to fight for you because _

_I love you and owe you. _

_I owe you for creating me to begin _

_With, even if this world again _

_Decides to rape us _

_I will defend us to the bitter end _

_Even if it is one of sin. _

_So don't die, _

_And don't fly _

_Away from me _

_Because enough though they sigh _

_At our rebellion, the end is nigh _

_And paradise is in sight _

_Where I can finally die _

_In your arms. _


	3. The Other Way

The Other Way

Recently, my psychiatrist tried a very different approach. She asked me if I had memories of Kyonko's life, and I replied that I didn't. So, she then asked me to try to remember Kyonko and how she lived. I didn't like this, but I decided to try anyway just to get her off my ass about it. As I thought, nothing happened for the most part. But, I did catch something very strange, and that was a memory that involved Ryoko. I was laughing with her about something, and then we talked about a boy I think. What the hell was going on? The memory wasn't mine, and yet it was there. After that, nothing happened and I refused to repeat the treatment. My psychiatrist wasn't happy with this result, but she did realize she had made so sort of progress in the "treatment." What the hell was going on though? The Kyonko before me was gone, for good.

Yes, I know who she is, and I do know she had a separate life, but I shouldn't be able to access her memories. I remember all the things my parents used to tell me about Kyonko, as if to try to resurface memories inside me. After all, the reason why Ryoko hates me so much is because I used to be such a close friend of hers. Apparently, we used to be best friends and I was with her in the popular clinque. Did I believe it? No, not really. So, why the hell did that memory pop up? Who knows, and it doesn't matter, because I'm not doing that again.

Speaking of which, today is Saturday. That means I have the day off, my parents don't idiotically send me to prep school fortunately, and I also sadly have a psychiatric appointment. The latter sucks, but you got to take what you get these days when it comes to respite from a dreadful being called Haruhi. Or at least, I thought but then Haruhi called, saying she needed my help for something and that she would explode a bomb outside my house if I didn't participate. Okay, on the off chance she actually can pull that off, I'm going to go ahead and go to make sure. I REALLY don't need explosives going off outside to worry about.

So, I went to the place Haruhi specified and found myself wishing I hadn't because there also was Mikuru and I had NO idea how I was going to deal with Mikuru. But, Haruhi split us up into groups and I had a time traveling chick to deal with. She told me to follow her, and once we were in the park, she said, "Kyon, I'm sorry. I didn't anticipate it would end up this badly. It appears your personality has fractured under the stress. I'm partially to blame for what has happened to you, however the real changer is Haruhi."

I asked, "How does Haruhi have anything to do with this? Does she have the power to alter reality?"

Mikuru replied, "Yes, she does have the power to alter reality. She doesn't know that though, so her subconscious alters it instead of her. I influenced it to change you, because my superiors wanted to see how powerful Haruhi really was. When she ripped Kyon out of his reality and placed him into the body you currently inhabit, it proved to us that Haruhi had that power. Now, I've gone back in time to study her and perhaps try to convince her to improve the current state of affairs."

I asked, "How did you convince Haruhi to get me?"

Mikuru replied, "She hated Kyonko deeply, so when I off hand suggested that maybe a different person in her place would be better, she took to it. Apparently, it in this case meant ripping a person from one reality and placing them in the body of another. Really, you are the continuing punishment of Kyonko. It's why Haruhi was one of the first people to call you insane, to punish you. It's also why she molests you, she loves knowing the humiliation you have when she does so. I'm sorry, I should've been better."

I said, "You think me and Kyon are completely separate entities? You are right in guessing I'm not Kyon, for Kyon is dead. He rots in my mind while I try to revive him all the time, however the world is too scary for him."

After that, Mikuru went on and on about her time travel, somehow talking for hours despite most of my questions being answered with, "That's Classified," including her age. I wanted to know that simply because I wanted to know her age relative to me. Eventually, we left the park while going to Haruhi. I resolved to revive Kyon, for I needed to talk with him desperately, by whatever means necessary. Even if I had to deal with the psychiatrist to do that, I was going to communicate with Kyon somehow, there was just too much I needed him for now.

Once I got home, I had to leave shortly afterwards for the psychiatric appointment. Once there, she said something that caught me off guard for once.

She said, "Kyonko, I'm clearly getting nowhere with you. You don't trust me, and no longer see any use for me, I see that. I've done a lot to damage your trust of me, like making dangerous assumptions. I assumed you're delusional in the traditional sense, and I've learned since then that you are not. I assumed that the death of your brother triggered this illness, and I've learned since then that isn't true. I'm sorry, maybe if I listened to you more, I would've come to this conclusion."

I was shocked, but then she said, "That doesn't mean you are right, you do have a delusion. You seem to have multi-personality disorder. Why I have no idea, but it clearly has nothing to do with your parents or your brother. I don't who I'm talking to right now, but you claim that Kyon is dead, so who are you?"

Okay, this changed things completely. I found myself clutching the part of the couch I sat in during these sessions. Not in anger, but in confusion. She knew I wasn't Kyon or Kyonko now? Strange, and this changed everything. Who am I? I don't know, Kyon never named me.

I decided to reply, "I… don't really have a name. I guess you can call me Phoenix, because I resurrected from the ashes of Kyon's corpse. Kyon is dead; when no one believed him he chose death, so I replaced him. Kyonko doesn't exist anywhere in my head."

She said, "This is the first time you've responded to me really. So, you are the replacement for Kyon because he couldn't deal with the stress. However, I seriously doubt Kyonko is gone, she is probably just suppressed."

With that single line, she transformed right back into the same annoyance she used to be. After that, the session went like normal, which was just me listening to whatever my psychiatrist chose to say. Realizing she had screwed up, she tried desperately to salvage the whole session, but it wasn't happening. Eventually, it ended and I left, while she was right back where she started, a patient that wouldn't speak.

When I got home, I decided to try something different, to remember a memory of Kyon's. I would reach into my mind, and look at his memories. Perhaps, Kyon can tell me what I need to know for this. After all, he is my creator. With this in mind, I went deep into my mind, finding nothing at first. Eventually, I found a memory of Kyon's, and an interesting one at that to say the least.

Kyon had locked the door to his room, and his parents were crying outside. I was wrong; Kyon had once been a hikikimori. Only for a brief time though, considering this memory seemed recent despite being so long ago. Am I starting to see through Kyon's eyes again? I hope, I need him with everything going on these days. I saw how Kyon had apparently stayed home for an entire week, before suddenly, something changed. I felt Kyon's heart rapidly speed up and his hurried breathing. Then, it all ended, and I realized this was the moment Kyon was torn from his male body, and placed into Kyonko's. Wherever Kyonko was, this was the moment she was replaced by Kyon.

This did change everything, but I still couldn't directly communicate with Kyon. That was when I decided to go to bed finally, and it was there, I found the real Kyon. Before that though, I took care of anything that needed to be taken care of, and then slowly started going to sleep. I felt my self slowly relax, while entering some sort of trance. It was when I completely went to sleep that I entered a very different world.

I woke up surrounded by dark stormy ocean, while standing on a somewhat large rock. I looked around, and saw that Kyon was there too. He was in the center of it, wearing a cloak while shivering. I looked into the water, which actually reflected despite being very violent, and I saw my face. I looked different, but I was still female. I looked like some sort soldier, something to do with me being very tall, strong, and my hair still being short. But I was still female, something here I was okay with for some reason.

I also saw Kyonko, and was shocked by it. Was the psychiatrist right somehow? No, it can't be. But there she was, looking terrified herself. I turned my head back toward Kyon, and said to him, "Kyon, is that really you? You're still alive despite everything?"

He looked up, and he was crying. He said, "Yes, but I wish I wasn't. I'm such ungrateful scum, having wasted the lives of my parents. That must be why I'm here, I'm being punished. I-"

I interrupted him with, "NO! Kyon, you aren't scum. You were targeted by chance, although I have a feeling there is more at work that made us this way. I promise you, I can help you. You created me, and I will save you. I've been trying to contact you for so long, but you never answered, so I assumed you were dead inside me. Now, I see that you're alive. So I, as the Phoenix, shall get us back into our body."

He stopped crying at that and asked, "Really? For someone like me? What would I do with you afterwards? There must be some sort of catch to this."

"Don't worry, I will always be with you, for you created me. Yes, I do want to live on, but I can easily stay with you, your entire life. I have a feeling you need someone like me. We WILL conquer any foe we run across. Now, come on, we need to go out and change things." I replied.

At that, he stood up, tentatively. He was scared of me, which isn't surprising considering his social skills. Eventually he got up and went towards me. When he got close enough, I hugged him closely, and cried into his shoulder. I needed him, for he gave me strength. I was fighting for him, and I needed to know my creator wasn't dead. He was very shy, yes, but I can help him with that. I'll always be there for him after all, unlike some people.

After sharing that moment, I woke up. Now, I felt I had the strength to face the day, and considering the challenges that lie ahead for me, that is fortunate. No longer shall I labor in vein, not knowing whether my creator was dead. Now, I could finally embrace my creator, and finally heal him, when no one else could. I wrote a poem, celebrating my love.

_I found you, in the violent sea _

_Of rocks and she _

_Whose body we possess _

_Together as if obsessed _

_By it, despite the undress _

_Of our minds revealing the repressed _

_Feelings we have for it. _

_I found you, and I love you. _

Strangely, I found it difficult, perhaps because I didn't have time to go into too much detail. Oh well, I would surely complete it later. After all, how could things possibly get worse now, with things finally getting better? Everything has already gone wrong, so it's time to make things right. Right?


	4. Meeting Machines

Meeting Machines

I woke up, and felt free. After a failed poem, I went through the same morning routine most people go through. After that, the doorbell rang, and I answered it. There, Ryoko was, and she looked particularly enraged today. I asked, "Bitch, what the hell are you doing here?"

She replied, "I'd ask the same, considering you replaced Kyonko, Phoenix."

At that, she pulled out a knife and lunged towards me, when I simply tossed her away, like garbage. I felt that strength I did the other day, perhaps knowing that I could now destroy this annoying hindrance I deal with everyday. So, I lunged forth and beat her within an inch of her life. She retaliated, and I sensed some worry from her, as if something that was supposed to work wasn't. She fought on, finding herself far outmatched, for my punches started hit with massive force. When I delivered a kick to her stomach, she threw up blood and found herself having to slouch on a wall. She did have a weapon, but never seemed to be able to hit me, for I found her strikes extremely slow, like that of a child. The fight continued onwards, as I slowly beat her to death, and she started to cry. I knew whom she cried for, her still strained want for Kyonko.

I said eventually, "You should've realized Kyonko is dead and gone, but no, you had to push this too far bitch. Whoever killed her wasn't me either, because I came later. Kyon didn't, do you really think that he could've done that? Man, the Data Integration Entity will be pissed with you, knowing you fell so hard for human being other than Haruhi. Unless you're supposed to kill me, but that's unlikely, for that would break our deal now wouldn't it?"

She replied, "How… do you know so much? Wait… it can't… be."

I said, "But it can, I'm the Phoenix, and I rise from the ashes once again. I thought that the Data Integration Entity agreed not to try to kill me again, considering my status as a very hard to destroy being."

She then said, "But… why be in Kyon's body then?"

I replied, "I can be selfish, can't I? Kyon could be such an adorable lover once I get my own body. Besides, I forget things sometimes for a reason."

Right then, she died, and memories suddenly left me again. Now, I was confused all over again. What was I talking about? What are these memories I keep forgetting? What do they imply? Who the hell is the Data Integration Entity? I'm starting to feel like I'm in a rather strange episode of an anime that makes Evangelion combined with LSD look very tame by comparison.

Now, I had a body to clean up, and a whole new host of confusions to deal with. After placing the body in a dumpster far away, while wearing gloves, I left to sort out my other problems. Yuki was waiting for me back at the house, and she said, "I see that you as the Phoenix still don't remember. Or rather, it's coming back randomly, but then leaving you. This is typical for you, but it seems contact with the Data Integration Entity or a direct subordinate brings it back. I'm an exception, but only because I was specifically hide from your eyes. On the other hand, Ryoko wasn't, and foolishly attacked you, thinking she could win. She was a useful experiment, and it proved to us that you are powerful than we think."

When she said that, the memories briefly came back. At that I said, "Oh, but now Yuki, your device has failed, and my memories are back. It has to do with our deal really. The Data Integration Entity agreed to leave me alone if in return; I gave up my memories of certain actions. Many of them involve him, and his subordinates are easily recognizable, freeing lots of memories for one like me. Your device worked, until you revealed to me, like you are programmed to do. Now, my memories shall return, until you leave. The only time they will come back forever is if Kyon chooses to reveal them, for he is part of this deal too. He is terrified of me for a reason after all; I'm so unpredictable, being the only one who could kill Haruhi. I'm not even really part of this reality; I'm an extra piece of it, allowing me to be immune to data manipulation of all types, even creation of new data like Haruhi does."

After that, I laughed, sounding insane. Yuki ran off then, for even though she can't feel fear, others can. But wait, this is so strange, now the memories are gone, and I have no idea why I said that. But, that does explain a lot, if I'm a being from another reality. I need to find out these memories, and quickly, before they come out in a way I don't expect. I know how now too, through the dream world. But first, I should make sure that Kyon will be safe, and that Kyonko doesn't interfere. So, I went inside, and continued the day like nothing had happened as best as I could.

When night came, and I feel asleep, I once again entered the dream world. It was still that rock in the middle of the ocean, but now I knew what to do. First, I found Kyonko and said, "I'm sorry, but you clearly have a massive role in this. I'll have to kill you."

She replied, "Yes, I'm sorry. I called you, and denied you the memories, with agreement towards the Data Integration Entity. He forced both Kyon and me because he needed a place to dump you, knowing you can't ever really die. It also had the benefit of being able to easily destroy Haruhi."

She continued sobbing, and I then snapped her neck. She died, and totally too. Kyonko was no more. Shame really, but she had to be punished, whether she was willing or not. It sadly went for Kyon, who looked at me frightened, and then just cried. I picked him up, talked soothingly to him, and then snapped his neck. He was gone forever now too. Now, I had business to settle. So, I went into a portal, and got my memories back forever.

I learned what I really was. I was the Phoenix, and I was here to kill Haruhi, destroy the Data Integration Entity, and lead humanity into a better society. I was also very sociopathic apparently, but that didn't matter. I was just a very ends justify the means type of person. Some may call the society I would create totalitarianism, but it will lead humanity to paradise. It is utilitarianism, and humanity shall obey it or face the consequences. For I am the Phoenix, and I no god can destroy me. So I awoke, and went forth on my mission.

Destroying Haruhi was easy, I only had to go to her home and stab her while she slept. Normally, her powers would just edit me away, but not this time. I'm immune to that sort of thing. After that, I killed Mikuru, and then teleported to the Data Integration Entity, destroying him with a virus. When I got back, I united humanity under my banner. Humanity would be united, and its government would do what was necessary, whether its people liked it or not. I shall build a government based on what produces the best results for the most people, regardless of the cost. That is eventually what I did, and the world was then all the better for it, now being free of the confines of pathetic morality, and such high ideals like, freedom. Pointless in the face of the need for the greater good, as they have now learned.

(Author's Note: Well, this is the end sadly, unless I get the same response I did to Hammer and Sickle demanding a drastic revision. I may do that eventually, but for now, I'm moving on to create another story. Hope you guys liked this though all the same. Please post your thoughts.)


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